Illustrated Multiplication! (AKA Educational Satire)

Ever had trouble multiplying fast? Do you just want to doodle in math class? We can help you!

Try out our new product, Illustrated Math! It's easy as 'pi' and we'd LOVE to give it to you for free!

Here's a song to celebrate your discovery of this easy new trick!

How unnecessary was that?! But as an infomercial, we need some cheesy background music!

It's EASY!

Let's do a demo!

Let's multiply 51 and 23. First, we draw lines representing digits.

Great! Now let's separate the columns and count up the number of intersections in each column!

Fantastic! All we have to do is add it up!

                                                                                              + 3

                                                                                      + 1  7

                                                                                  + 1  0

                                                                                  = 1  1  7  3

Let's check to see if our answer is correct!

Wow! Shazam! Fantabulous!

It's FAST!

Studies show that this new, cool multiplication trick can save you –50% time when compared against regular multiplying! This is mainly because some idiot wrote the answer on the paper during the first of the regular trials and we didn't bother to replace it!

It's CHEAP!

Even though this is more of a concept than a product, we can give it to you for free!* (This doesn't include the $19.99 shipping and handling, the complimentary $199.99 gift pack we'll send you, or the medical bill you'll need to pay after using this product! Don't read the subtext!) 

It WORKS!

By the FOIL method straight from middle school algebra! We can't believe you didn't figure this out yourselves, you disgraces to all humanity! (Even though we didn't figure it out either. Shh, don't tell)

And it's probably harmless!

The 2% of subjects that survived reported that it had really changed their lives for better or worse! You don't want to know which!

CALL 1-800-I-SEE-U-PN to order NOW!

Make checks payable to Bad Products Inc. ©.

*Batteries, Medical Consultation, and Michael Jackson not included.

The more common and l side effects may include Stockholm Syndrome, Bruce Jenner approximation syndrome, organ inversion, and zombification. At the risk of getting sued we can't tell you the nastier ones or you wouldn't buy this product.




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Hey everybody! I'm BACK! Sorry for not posting-- I've had a nice little month of studying for exams. I actually finished a post two weeks ago and, of course, the school server was shut down and it didn't work. I'm going to post that next week to make up for a), my long absence from your world, and b), the nastiness of this post.

Sorry for not posting earlier, but April Showers bring the overpowering stench of May exams!

Stay coolio,
John

IMPORTANT NOTE- Tragically, I'm not going to be able to post very much this summer, because it's summer. I promise I'll get back to you in late June or early July!